A Lily in the Garden
Chan

About a month ago a friend and I decided to do a weekend getaway to Callaway Gardens.  I was extremely happy to take a couple days off for some relaxation and restoration.  All I had to do was pack my bags; she did all the planning. I was feeling very grateful for the ease.

As soon as we arrived, my friend turned at the entrance of the gardens instead of the lodge.  In all of her excitement and eagerness she decided to make a u-turn at entrance of the gardens instead exiting at the proper exit.  When I gently pointed it out it was the entrance and not the exit, she said, “This is no big deal,” noting that she does it all the time.

At this point, I felt no anxiety, but I did have a need for safety. I chose, however, to say nothing to my friend, as I also had a need to support her getting us to the lodge safely.  She turned to me and asked, “What is wrong?”  It was obvious she had a need to know and understand.

I told her I decided to offer stillness and calmness because I wanted to support her finding her way.

My friend then told me that the story she was telling herself was that I was upset with her. I said, “No,” that I thought with less distractions we could get to where we were going safely. She said she realized that the manner in which she spoke to me could have sounded dismissive, noting that she had a habit of scripting narratives in her head. I shared my appreciation for her willingness to share what was alive in her and assured her that I had felt no upset, that my calmness was my strategy for supporting her efforts.

I felt empowered that I had the courage to offer a place of peace and speak my truth, instead of holding a space of misunderstanding. Happily, our weekend together was all that I had hoped it would be.