Observations without Evaluation
In observations without evaluation, we unpack the evaluation.
We roll it back to the specific behavior that prompted our judgment. We look at what was said or done that invited the judgment, observing what occurred just moments before we made the judgment, and we share the behavior—not the judgment—when we offer our observation.
If the judgment, for example, is You talk too much, then the observation without evaluation speaks only to the behavior and looks a bit like this: In our 60-minute conversation, I spoke for 15 minutes and you spoke for 45 minutes. In this example, the observation offers context (a conversation) and specificity (amount of time each one spoke), leaving nothing unclear or ambiguous and making no one wrong.
By offering context rather than evaluation, we not only share our truth in ways that do not wound others, but we increase our chances to be heard in the way we want to be heard. In this way, we offer an opportunity for the person to stay in the conversation without flight into defense, paving the way for deeper understanding and connection.