Self Compassion

Patricia

I had been struggling with my inability to make and maintain a peaceful and mutually respectful relationship with my youngest adult child.  His life seemed chaotic and unfulfilling to me. I worried constantly about him. I believed I had failed him as a parent since his life was not following the path I had always thought it would follow.  I knew it would be helpful to let him find his way as an adult, and yet I still worried and drove him crazy with my “what if’s”. 

In a Language of Compassion practice, I heard that people sometimes tell themselves stories that are not rooted in reality.  I realized I was telling myself a story about my son, a story that was not true in the present, nor had it been true in the past. I acted as if my fears were truths when they were not.   I was reminded that I could become curious about why I told myself such stories and pay attention to my own feelings and needs. What is alive in me when I fabricate stories about my son?  What are my needs? 

When I allowed myself to think about what was alive in me,  I felt deep fear and some measure of shame.  I was afraid of the unknowns awaiting my son; I felt shame that I probably had not prepared him well enough for life as an adult. I needed to have compassion for myself and hope for my son.  I realized I needed to accept that I cannot know his future any more than I can know my own.  I needed deeper closeness to my Higher Self. 

I experienced relief when I recognized my fears were not for real things. I know now to really analyze my fear feelings before they become overwhelming. My feeling of shame dissipated as my fears faded.  The Language of Compassion tools have given me the ability to compassionately communicate with myself: I can ask myself what I need without feeling guilty for taking care of myself.  Improving my relationship with others starts with improving my relationship with myself.

Celebrations: