Placing Needs Before Strategies
Paul

I’m a lawyer. We can still be friends, right?

During my mediator and arbitrator certification course we lawyers were briefly introduced to the work of Marshall Rosenberg. The instructor said some nice things about Rosenberg’s success as a negotiator and peacemaker and encouraged us to do a deeper dive into his work. I brought a copy of his book, Nonviolent Communication, and, unfortunately, in the rush of a busy life tossed it onto a bookshelf until I could carve out more time.

Books are patient. A few years later I found it where I tossed it, which was nice because I needed it for a local Language of Compassion practice group a neighbor persuaded me to join. It was in this group that I realized each of us can be better humans through the careful use of language that leads to understanding each other and our needs. Once you connect over needs, the rest becomes so much easier.

I’m a better human and lawyer for having spent time in the practice group. I’ll tell you why. The primary problem-solving framework for most lawyers is to figure out the client’s goal, then figure out the best strategy to reach that goal, then start executing on that strategy. Tragically, we lawyers often hit our client’s goal, only to discover the goal didn’t address, much less satisfy, the client’s needs. Pause a moment and feel the contrast between starting a conversation or course of action with a focus on a goal rather than a focus on a need. When focusing on a goal, you don’t know if you’ll ever satisfy the underlying need, which should be the real target.

By way of just one example, I met some clients at their home, which was enduring a painful renovation. The clients felt frustrated, disappointed, and angry. Yes, legal action for specific performance was clearly one way to deal with this substandard contractor, and I discussed that strategy with my clients. But when I turned the conversation to my client’s needs, a very different story emerged, as did the subsequent goal and eventual strategy.

Using Rosenberg’s framework and Language of Compassion skills, I was able to identify their needs that led to a better goal and better strategy and eventually a better result, all to the satisfaction of my client. By naming their needs for peace, communication, respect, and mutuality, we discussed ways to navigate and accelerate the completion of repairs, while creating strategies for an amicable closure.

I’ll continue to use the Language of Compassion framework at every opportunity, even with other lawyers.

Celebrations: